a-critique-of-preservative-realism

WE FOUND WORDS DROPPING OUT FROM PEOPLE'S MOUTHS. WE FOUND THEM LAYING IN GUTTERS, OR BLOWING ABOUT IN THE WIND. I FOUND WORDS IN THE MIRROR'S REFLECTION. ONCE, I EVEN FOUND WORDS HIDDEN INSIDE THE LINING OF MY JACKET.  BUT IT IS NOT AS IF THE WORLD ARRIVES IN OUR HANDS ALREADY CUT INTO SMALL HARD PIECES THAT SIMPLY NEED TO BE NUMBERED AND NAMED.INSTEAD, THE WORLD WAS GIVEN AS AN INDEFINITE AND UNEVEN PASTE NEEDING TO BE SPREAD, THICKLY OR THINLY, BETWEEN THE WORDS WE FOUND. WE FOUND MANY, MANY WORDS, BUT THERE WAS ALWAYS ENOUGH OF REALITY TO BE SMEARED GENEROUSLY ACROSS THEM.THEREFORE, WE APPLIED REALITY'S JAM TO LANGUAGE'S BREAD; CRAVING THE FORMER BUT NEEDING THE LATTER IF ONLY TO HOLD THE STUFF. SOMEHOW IT WAS BOTH STICKY AND SLICK, THE JAM, THAT IS. WITHOUT BREAD, IT SLID THROUGH MY FINGERS BUT CLUNG TO MY SKIN. STREAKED WITH PULP, FINE BUBBLES AND HALF DISSOLVED BITS OF FRUIT, THE JAM COULD NOT BE BROUGHT TO REASON. A SOLID? A LIQUID? IT COULD BE GRASPED NEITHER PHYSICALLY NOR INTELLECTUALLY. BUT IT COULD BE SMELT. IT COULD BE SPREAD AND TASTED. IN FACT, IT TOOK A SEVERE EFFORT OF WILL TO REFRAIN FROM TASTING IT AT TIMES. THE JAM BECKONED TO ME, BUT WITH WHOSE VOICE AND IN WHICH LANGUAGE?I NEEDED BREAD TO SOP AND CARRY JAM, TO CAPTURE JAM'S IMMENSITY, TO MITIGATE JAM'S INTENSITY. I NEEDED BREAD TO CROSS THE GAP BETWEEN THE JAR AND MY MOUTH. BUT BREAD WAS NOT INCIDENTAL, AND TO FORGET BREAD WOULD BE UNWISE, FOR SOME LOAVES WERE BETTER FOR HOLDING JAM THAN OTHERS. GOOD BREAD SLICED AND FOLDED EASILY, RESISTING TEAR AND CRUMBLE. IT MUST BE DRY ENOUGH TO RECEIVE THE MOISTURE OF JAM WITHOUT SUCCUMBING TO SOG. IT SHOULD HAVE ENOUGH FREE SWEETNESS TO BROWN QUICKLY IN THE TOASTER, BUT BE SAVORY ENOUGH TO COMPLIMENT THE TART AND SUGAR OF THE SPREAD. AFTER A TIME, I REALIZED THAT I HAD RARELY KNOWN JAM EXCEPT BY THE BREAD IT RODE UPON. I WONDERED IF JAM COULD EXIST WITHOUT BREAD, FOR I HAD NEVER TASTED JAM ALONE AND COULD NOT VERIFY ITS INDEPENDENCE NOR EXPERIENCE ITS ESSENCE. JAM ON A CLEAN SPOON STILL TASTED SLIGHTLY OF METAL, AND THE SPOON'S WEIGHT IN MY MOUTH COULD NOT BE IGNORED. JAM STRAIGHT FROM THE JAR WAS NOT TERRIBLY MUDDLED BY THE BARELY-THERE SCENT OF GLASS, THOUGH IT WAS SORELY COLORED BY SELF CONSCIOUS SHAME AT LAPPING AT GOURMET JELLY AS ANY PUP MIGHT. COULD I SIMPLY TASTE JAM, FREE OF ANY VEHICLE? I COULD NOT. BUT I BEGAN TO TASTE THE VEHICLE.I PURSUED BREADS OF MANY STYLES, AND SOUGHT GREAT BAKERS, BOTH KNOWN AND OBSCURE. I NOTED THE SOPHISTICATION OF THEIR WORK; THEIR DELICACY IN MEDIATING FLOUR AND WATER, THEIR SKILL IN FORMING SUPPLE CRUMB WITHIN STIFF CRUST. I SPOKE OF BREAD AS ONE MIGHT SPEAK OF LITERATURE: CRITIQUING, CONNOISSEURING AND COMMENTATING IN BETWEEN SMACKED MOUTHFULS. I OPINED ON THE ART OF BREAD WHILE WIPING CRUMBS FROM MY MAW.  SOON I WOULD KNOW BREAD WELL AND WOULD SEEK THE LOAF FOR ITS OWN SAKE, ALL TOO EAGER TO FORGET JAM'S DIFFICULTIES. I WANTED TO FORGET JAM'S WRY GUILE AND UNRULY DETAIL. I COULD NOT.I WANTED TO KNOW BREAD SIMPLY AND SINGLY, TO KNOW BREAD AS BREAD. THIS, I COULD NEITHER.THOUGH MY INTEREST IN SPREADS AND TOPPINGS HAD WANED, I NEVERTHELESS ONLY KNEW HOW SPEAK OF BREAD IN TERMS OF JAM. WHICH JAMS MIGHT THE LOAF PAIR WITH? HOW MUCH JAM TO APPLY IT TO? DID IT SLICE WELL INTO HAND SIZED SHEETS AND WERE THEY STURDY ENOUGH TO HOLD THE SPREAD? DID THE BREAD'S FACE GLIDE SMOOTHLY UNDER THE SPREADING KNIFE OR DID IT CATCH THE JAM AND CLUMP? WAS IT BETTER AS BREAKFAST: TOASTED WHEAT, GLAZED WITH APRICOT AND SPRINKLED WITH OATS? OR WAS IT MORE SUITED TO AN AFTERNOON SNACK: A CRISP SOURDOUGH SLICE SLATHERED IN RASPBERRY AND CRUSHED MINT, TO MUNCH AT BETWEEN SIPS OF BLACK TEA?KNOW THIS: THE LOAF AND LOAVES ALONE ARE MY PASSION. BREAD IS MY FRENZY, MY CHARGE, AND MY BUSINESS. I NOW SPEAK ONLY OF BREAD. AND I HAVE COME TO SPEAK ONLY OF BREAD BY SPEAKING MOSTLY OF JAM.